Confessions of a Trickster
by Arya Daeriel
Summary: Everybody has a breaking point, a place where they just can't take it anymore and Loki's breaking point has been pushed to the very edge throughout the centuries of trying to prove himself to his father.


**Disclaimer: Don't own, never have, never will.**

**A/N: Yes, yes, I know I was promising a Thor fanfic, but this bunny just tackled me and is refusing to let me finish with that story until I write this. Plus, I've been wanting to write an AU of the end of Thor since I watched it. I hated it when Loki fell….. though for some reason I keep watching that scene over and over and over again….. odd. But this is just me randomly rambling, so lets get on with the fic! Oh! And….. er…. if you're wondering what I was thinking at parts, keep in mind that it is 3:30 am (no, don't ask) and I'm listening to the Indiana Jones soundtrack. **

"And your death came by the son of Odin," Loki said before sending a blast of energy at Laufey, incinerating him. His mother ran to him, hugging him.

"I swear to you, mother," he promised, "they will pay for what they have done." A small voice in the back of the young prince's head told him that he was being exactly as Thor had been after the Jotun's had managed to worm their way into the weapons room-with Loki's help, of course- but he payed it no heed. He knew it would not be long before Thor appeared, wielding his newly reclaimed Mjonir. Sure enough, second later he heard the familiar voice behind him.

"Loki!"

"Thor!" Frigga released Loki and ran to embrace her elder son. "I knew you would return to us."

Thor returned the hug for a few seconds before moving her to the side. His eyes never left Loki the entire time.

"Why don't you tell her how you sent the Destroyer to kill our friends, to kill me?" Thor said, stalking towards Loki.

"What?" Frigga exclaimed. _No, _she thought, _Loki would never do such a thing. _

"Why, it must have been enforcing father's last command," Loki lied easily, backing away slightly.

"You are a talented liar, brother, always have been." The two of them were now looking at each other over Odin's bed.

It did not take a genius to see where this would lead and Frigga was no fool. The chances were high that this would lead directly to a full out fight between her two sons and that was something she would not have.

The queen of Asgard stepped up and interrupted Loki's reply with a command. "_Stop!" _

Both Loki and Thor froze and looked at her.

"Now, what is going on?"

"He," Thor gestured to Loki, "for some reason or another sent the Destroyer to Midgard to kill myself and what looked like every other human in the realm."

"Loki?" Frigga turned her gaze to her younger son. Though the matter was very serious indeed, treating it like a usual disagreement between them seemed the best way to keep them from actually fighting.

Loki knew the game was up. He shrugged. "I sent the Destroyer to Midgard in the hopes that it would at least hinder Thor long enough to keep him from coming back for a while. Unless you haven't noticed, the citizens of Midgard are still very much alive as is your son." The way Loki spat out the word 'son', made it sound as if he didn't believe he was part of this family anymore.

"And why would you want to keep Thor from returning?" Frigga continued to act as peacekeeper.

Loki was about to answer, but Thor spoke first. "Oh, maybe so he could have the throne. You've always wanted it, haven't you?" Thor was now moving around Odin's bed to fact Loki directly. "I see it now, that's why you goaded me into going to Jotunheim. You knew that I would get banished and from what Sif told me, it was _you _who told the guard to tell Father."

"You think I _wanted _to be king? I had no choice, Thor! Father had fallen into the Odinsleep and you were stuck on Midgard! What was I supposed to do?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe let me come back?" Thor's hand was gripping Mjonir's handle so tightly that if it had been an ordinary hammer, it would have splintered long ago.

"And what if I did that? With the way you were acting, you would have started a war between the realms before the day was out!"

"It's still sounding an awful lot like you wanted the throne, brother," Thor shot at him, scathingly.

"I never wanted the throne! I only ever wanted to be your equal!" Loki shot back at him.

This made Thor stop and even Frigga, who had given up trying to separate them as long as there was no violence, was surprised.

Loki took advantage of the silence and continued. "You, Thor, you were always the golden son! You were everything he needed his heir to be! What was I? Nothing more than a Frost Giant, castaway because of his size and looks!"

"What are you talking about, Loki?" Thor interrupted his brother's tirade.

"Oh? So Father didn't tell you? I half expected he had because after all, you are his favorite son. All those years ago when Father fought the Jotuns, he happened upon Laufey's misformed infant son. In other words, me."

Thor had long since loosened his grip on his hammer. He was shocked at this revelation and almost didn't believe it until he looked to his mother and he saw in her eyes that Loki was telling the truth.

Loki however was not finished. "How was I ever supposed to compare? A Jotun runt to the king's perfect son. I was nothing more than a tool to him! A means of creating an alliance between Jotunheim and Asgard. He may have tried, or maybe even pretended, to love us the same, but he never managed to. It was always obvious that you were favored! You got the glory, you got the fame!" In a slightly quieter voice Loki said, "You got his pride and his love. The things I always craved and tried so hard to obtain, but never could while you seemed to never have to try at all."

"Loki, I didn't….." Thor tried to say. His anger at his brother was gone now. Instead of seeing the ruthless villain he had seen only minutes ago, he saw a broken, lonely young man.

"Of course you didn't know!" Loki exclaimed, his voice rising again. "How could you know? Nobody ever payed attention to Loki, now did they? Not you, not the Warriors Three, not Sif. I was just the tagalong that came along with the Thor package. And that was just when I was a child! We grew up, became warriors, but I never was held even close to the status of the rest of you! After all, I didn't have your strength, just my tricks. I never received a share in any of the glory the rest of you received. Everybody was too busy looking at you to see me!

"I lured the Frost Giants here!" There was a little gasp from Frigga in the background. "I thought that if I could save Father from Laufey that maybe then he would love me and be proud of me as if I really were his son."

It was all coming out now, all of Loki's anger and frustration. Unshed tears glistened in his eyes.

"That was all I wanted, Thor. Not power, not the throne, just to be your equal."

The younger prince sank to his knees, letting Odin's staff fall to the ground.

"For over a thousand years I've seen the pride in Father's eyes when he looks at you and I've always hoped that maybe one day I could do something to make him look at me in that way too. But then, barely a day after he had exiled you, he told me what I really was and I knew that I could never compare, no matter how hard I tried."

Thor could see it all now. What Loki had done was no shock considering what he'd been through the past few days. And no one, not one person, had been there to help him through it all. Thor knelt down to face his brother. "Loki….."

Loki removed his helmet and placed it on the ground beside him. His eyes were cast down, refusing to look at his brother. "I'm sorry, Thor." As he spoke, a few tears broke free and ran down his face. "I'm so sorry."

Had it been any other circumstance, any other day, Loki would have been ashamed of his tears, but no longer cared. I did not matter what others thought of him, they all knew what he had done. He had been holding himself back, holding his emotions back, for so long that it felt good to just let go.

He felt his brother's hand on his shoulder and did not shrug it off as he usually would have. Neither did he resist when Thor pulled him forward so his head rested on his brother's shoulder. The tears fell freely now, soaking in the shoulder of Thor's cloak.

Frigga watched as her older son comforted the younger. In it's essence this had been very much a family conflict that had gotten out of hand. It was something that one should always expect, but never did, to see between two brothers. The competition for their father's pride and affection. And as always, one brother was favored over the other even though there was no intention of doing so.

The queen looked at her sleeping husband. He would awake soon and she dearly hoped that he would help reassure Loki that he was wanted in their family, Frost Giant or no.

Soon enough, the tears stopped and Loki pulled away, straightening up. "I'm sorry," he said again, though this time it was for breaking down like he had just done.

"Everyone breaks at some point, Loki. There is no need to be sorry," Thor said, standing up himself.

"Will you forgive me? _Can _you forgive me?"

"You are my brother, even if not by blood, you are still my brother. Of course I can forgive you." Thor then took on a mock reprimanding tone. "As long as you promise not to do it again!"

Loki smiled slightly. "Of course not, brother." He then turned to Frigga. "Mother…."

She was about to respond when she looked at Odin's face and saw his eyes fly open. The King of Asgard had awoken.

**Yes, yes, this calls for a sequel. I know! And you's shall have it! Hopefully soon! Well, as soon as my plot bunny allows. I've been buried under a mountain of them! Ah well….. review? It feeds the plot bunny…..**


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